playing poker

I read something interesting about character defects that made me think - it was a someone's story about how they had practiced step 6 and 7. They had written on poker chips all of their identified character defects and every day they would pull one out of a bag (or bowl - I forget which) and focus on working on that character defect that day. When I read this, I thought, "what a great idea!"

Then I read on. The person said that they did this for a couple of years I believe, but didn't actually receive any long term relief. They said that they were finally able to obtain relief when the figured out that they really had to turn their character defects over to God - that working on their character defects alone did not get them anywhere.

***screeching of tires, crashing noise of car, deafening silence***

or

***scratching of record as the music stops leaving awkward silence***

(I like both visuals and couldn't decide.)

I always have a hard time translating when I read something that literally flies in the face of what I have been working on in program when it comes to higher power. I know that I should be beyond this, and I can usually figure out some way around things eventually, but sometimes it can take longer than other times.

For starters, I was bummed that I thought "what a great idea" only to read on that it didn't work. Bummer. Except that truly, just because it didn't work for this person does not mean that it would not work for me. Perhaps this person really had not committed to practicing the principles earnestly on a daily basis. Or perhaps he/she needed a belief on the inside that a celestial God was helping before he/she could really set out to to practice the principles of program to the point that they become habit.

The other thought that occurred to me was that perhaps it is as simple as what "word" was pulled out of the bag/bowl - the thought occurred to me that maybe focusing on what you are NOT going to do that day is not the same as focusing on what you ARE going to do that day. So if I were to write the corresponding opposites to all of my character defects onto poker chips and put them in a bag, pulling one out each day to work on for that day, would I have a better shot at success? Instead of focusing on my character defect of 'dishonesty' and how not to lie, what if I consciously set out to be honest throughout the day? Or even if I identified places/situations where I might be inclined to fudge the truth, and set out to tell the truth instead - would the result then be any different??

And to step things up a little further, what about doing some reading on that particular principal that day, and then at the end of the day, some writing on what I might have learned that day. Might then I have more success then the person in this story???

I think that character defects are really just patterns of behavior - habits. Bad ones, that is. Habits are defined as "acquired behavior patterns regularly followed until they become almost involuntary" or "dominant or regular dispositions or tendencies; prevailing characters or qualities." I've read that it can take as little as 21 days to form a new habit, or as long as a full year, depending on a whole host of different things. Some other interesting things that I've learned about habits:

• replacing a bad habit with something different (a good habit) is essential in getting rid of the bad habit;
• noticing the bad habit when it's occurring is necessary to replace it with something different;
• using triggers associated with habits can help change them (e.g. changing how you respond to your alarm in the morning - sitting up in bed as soon as it goes off - can help alleviate oversleeping);
• connecting a new behavior with an old habit can help make the new behavior a habit (i.e. watching the morning news that you watch in bed everyday on the treadmill instead); and
• focusing on changing just one habit at a time increases the success in changing that habit.

Applying those things to what I know about myself (those addict tendencies) ... when I decide to "change me", rarely do I make it even a few days without reverting to old behaviors, let alone 21, 60 or 365 days! And as evidenced by my need to do a fourth step and unearth my list of character defects, I've never been particularly keen on identifying my character defects when they pop up, and when I do, I'm too busy justifying or rationalizing them to actually identify them properly as character defects. I also have a tendency to want to do things in an "all or nothing" fashion, so I certainly do not focus on only one thing, and I spend so much time listing all of the things I am NOT going to do anymore, I never get as far as coming up with any sane alternatives to work on instead.

None of this really resolves the initial puzzle, which is why the poker chip draw did not work for some anonymous person - I'll never know! And quite frankly, trying to figure it out only takes away my time and energy from working on what I should be working on, which is my recovery. I'm still tempted to try the modified poker chip draw (writing the opposites of my character defects on chips and working on practicing a different one each day), perhaps changing it to work on each chip for longer than a day (3 weeks? 2 months?), and perhaps identifying circumstances in which I am most likely to engage in my character defects and finding ways to overtly change those actions.

At the end of the day, I think that the most important thing of all is that I am doing SOMETHING, ANYTHING, to work on practicing the principles of the program in all my affairs. For me, I know that I have to mix things up a little on a regular basis - if I do the same thing for too long, it stops working - maybe that's all that happened to the person in the book - did the same thing for so long, he/she ceased to obtain any benefit from it.

Ultimately, I have to work on continuing to take personal inventory (step 10), promptly admitting it when I am wrong (step 10), studying the principles of program to improve my conscious awareness of it and how to apply it in my everyday life (step 11), practicing the principles in all my affairs (step 12) and carrying the message to others (step 12). That's it in a nutshell - a simple nutshell, but the devil is in the details! The outline never changes, but my methods have to constantly adjust to stay at least a step or two ahead of my disease.